Let’s start at the beginning. You mentioned you were contemplating divorce from your husband. What brought you to that point?

It feels like a lifetime ago now, but honestly, I was in such a dark place. This is my second marriage, and I think that made everything feel more urgent, more final somehow. I kept thinking, “I can’t make the same mistake twice.” I had already told him I was thinking about divorce, which was probably the hardest conversation I’d ever had.
I was coming off this incredible period of career growth and personal development. I felt like I was becoming this new version of myself, you know? More confident, more aware of what I wanted. But then everything crashed when I lost my job and started trying to build my own business with basically no income. Suddenly, I’m this person who feels successful and evolved, but I’m completely dependent on my husband financially.

 

How did that shift affect your relationship with him?

That’s the thing I’m almost embarrassed to admit now—I started to resent him for not changing along with me. Here I was, growing and evolving, and he just seemed… the same. Still supportive, still caring, but the same. I began to see that as a limitation instead of a strength.

I think I developed what I can only call an entitlement complex. Because I was going through this personal transformation, I expected him to match my energy, to anticipate my needs in ways he’d never had to before. When he didn’t, I took it as a sign that maybe we weren’t compatible anymore.

What was the turning point for you?

I came across this piece about being “too quick to alternatives" on Attagrata's Substack and it hit me like a truck. The author was talking about how we’re so quick to replace instead of appreciate what we already have. I realized I was doing exactly that—looking for reasons to replace my husband instead of seeing what was actually there.

It forced me to step back and really examine what I was doing. Here’s this man who has been consistently supportive, who hasn’t wavered in his care for me even when I’ve been difficult, even when I told him I was thinking about leaving. And what was I focused on? All the ways he wasn’t meeting my new expectations.

That must have been a difficult realization.

It was humbling, honestly. I had to confront this uncomfortable truth about myself—that I had become someone who took his support for granted. I think as women, especially when we’re going through periods of growth and change, we can sometimes forget to acknowledge the people who are holding us steady while we figure things out.
I realized I hadn’t thanked him for anything in months. Not for working extra hours when my business wasn’t bringing in money, not for listening to me stress about everything, not for just being patient with my mood swings. I was so focused on what I thought I needed that I completely lost sight of what I actually had.

 

How did you start to change that dynamic?

I knew I needed to do something tangible, something that would force me to really see him again. That’s when I found these gratitude cards specifically designed for expressing appreciation to your partner. It sounds simple, maybe even cheesy, but I needed that structure. I needed something that would make me stop and actually think about his contributions instead of just… expecting them.

The first few cards were hard to write. Not because I didn’t have things to be grateful for, but because I had trained myself to focus on the gaps instead of the gifts. I had to relearn how to see him.

 

Shop 'So Grateful For You' cards

 

What did you discover when you started writing those cards?

Everything. I mean, literally everything I had been taking for granted suddenly became visible again. The way he’d make coffee for me every morning without being asked. How he’d handle all the financial stress without making me feel guilty about not contributing. The way he’d listen to my business ideas with genuine interest, even when they were probably terrible.

I started to see that his consistency wasn’t boring—it was reliable. His lack of dramatic change wasn’t stagnation—it was stability. While I was going through all this upheaval, he was being my anchor, and I had somehow turned that into a criticism.

Do you think there’s something broader happening with how we approach relationships today?

I think so. I think especially for women who are ambitious or going through personal growth, there’s this pressure to optimize everything, including our relationships. We’re told we deserve the best, which is true, but sometimes that gets twisted into always looking for something better instead of appreciating what we have.

I also think—and this might be controversial—but I think sometimes we don’t give our partners enough credit for the invisible work they do. My husband was absorbing so much of my stress and uncertainty during that difficult period, but because he didn’t make a big deal about it, I didn’t even notice.

How has your perspective on partnership changed?

I realize now that a good partnership isn’t about two people constantly pushing each other to change and grow. Sometimes it’s about one person being solid and dependable while the other person goes through a transformation. Sometimes it’s about appreciating that someone loves you enough to stay consistent while your world is shifting.
I used to think growth meant we both had to be changing at the same pace, in the same direction. Now I understand that sometimes growth means learning to value stability. Sometimes evolution means becoming grateful instead of becoming demanding.

 

What would you say to other women who might be in a similar situation?

Before you decide someone isn’t good enough, really examine whether they’ve actually changed or whether your expectations have changed. There’s nothing wrong with growth and evolution, but don’t let it blind you to the people who have been supporting you all along.

And honestly? Take a hard look at what you’re actually contributing to the relationship during your difficult periods. I was so focused on my own journey that I forgot I was supposed to be a partner, not just someone being partnered with.

How are things now?

We’re rebuilding, and it feels different this time—more intentional. Those gratitude cards weren’t just about making him feel appreciated, though I hope they did that. They were about training my brain to see differently, to look for the good instead of hunting for the problems.

I’m still working on my business, still growing and changing, but now I do it with an awareness of how my growth affects him too. And honestly, once I started appreciating what he brings to our relationship, he started opening up in ways I hadn’t seen before. Turns out, feeling valued makes people want to give even more.

Any final thoughts?

I think we underestimate how much power we have to shape our relationships just by changing what we choose to focus on. I was so close to throwing away something beautiful because I had trained myself to see only what was missing instead of what was there.

Sometimes the most radical thing you can do isn’t to demand change—it’s to appreciate what already exists. That doesn’t mean settling or lowering your standards. It means recognizing that maybe your standards were aimed at the wrong things in the first place.

 

Sally’s story reminds us that transformation isn’t always about changing everything around us—sometimes it’s about changing how we see what’s already there. Through the simple act of intentional gratitude, she didn’t just save her marriage; she rediscovered the person she wanted to be within it.